These Moments Are Forever
by Fayre Amore
Summary: Every moment is it's own forever. Every single second that we live is something that will never end, because it happened and somewhere out there in time and space, it is still happening.


The Doctor stood staring at a blank wall in shock, his usually perfect hair in complete disarray. Mere seconds ago, that very wall had been a portal into either a different dimension or the Void, and he could not make himself comprehend the fact that it was not anymore. She had been there, just there, holding tight to that lever…and then her fingers had slipped and she was gone. _Gone._

Slowly, as though in a trance, he walked over to the wall and laid his head against it, as though he'd be able to hear her just on the other side. And shouldn't he be able to? She'd only gone through it. Not into the void. Not to a place where he could never reach her. She couldn't be-_no, _he could not let himself finish that thought.

Comprehension was coming, he knew. The Doctor understood that he was in shock, and that soon he would hurt a lot more than he did at that moment. Lifting his head away from the now-meaningless wall, he slowly started back towards the TARDIS, unwilling to let himself break down here. Not here, not in this place, this room where he kept seeing her ghost and hearing her voice. _"I made my choice a long time ago. I'm never leaving you."_

_Rose._

He whispered the name into the empty silence, to her hand in his and the smell of her hair and pink and yellow and _no no no give her back to me!_

_ She promised. She promised forever._

He slammed the TARDIS door shut and dropped to his knees, his hands holding his head and trying to block out the tidal wave of pain and loss threatening to drown him. Where was Rose? Shouldn't she be here? Shouldn't she be telling him that it was okay, everything was going to be alright? But she wasn't, and so nothing was alright.

Without his noticing, the TARDIS had taken them somewhere. He assumed that it would the place he always went when he couldn't handle it, when the deaths and pain that he blamed on himself became too much, so he was completely unprepared when he opened the door and stepped out into 21st century London. He looked around in confusion. Was the old girl going crazy too?

It was then that his time senses kicked in, and he realized exactly _when _they were. He'd been here before. Recently. So recently, in fact, that he would have been here with-

The Doctor took off at a full sprint, skidding around a corner and narrowly avoiding colliding with an older couple. Not even stopping to apologize, he kept running, his expression blatantly desperate.

He rounded one last corner and then stopped. This was the place, he was positive. His eyes skimmed over the crowd before finally coming to rest on one couple in particular, sitting at a small outdoor table and eating chips. There was himself, a few years and a regeneration younger, all big ears and leather jacket. And there was Rose, her hair longer, the way he liked it. This was after their very first adventure. This was when he realized just how amazing this girl really was, even if she didn't know it. This was their "first date". The Doctor slumped against the brick wall next to him and stared unseeing, his thoughts going back to that day on the observation deck. She'd been so scared, but so brave. And there were so many days after that, happy days when everybody lived and sad days when they didn't and always, always they were together so it was okay. And suddenly he understood. He understood what the TARDIS was trying to tell him-that even though now, in this moment, his hearts were breaking and he wasn't positive he was going to be able to get up the next morning, let alone save the universe, there was a time when they were happy. At some place and some time they were together and happy because time really was circular. Right now, in some other place and time, he was grabbing Rose by the hand and telling her to run. Right now, Rose was teasingly telling him that he'd have to get a mortgage and he was secretly thinking that maybe that wouldn't be so bad, not if she was there. Right now, he was kissing her forehead and holding her tight after finding her again and dancing around and around and she was promising him a forever they could never have except in that one moment. And just for that second, he believed her, and so their forever was made.

Every moment was a forever, he was realizing. Every single second would keep replaying itself, would always be a moment that you could go back to and remember.

The Doctor stood up again, steeling himself. He'd find her somehow, send a transmission, and he'd say goodbye. He'd tell her all the things he'd wanted to say but could never find the words, and he didn't care if he had to burn up a sun to do it. And maybe he wasn't okay now, and he wouldn't be tomorrow or for a long time after that, but somewhere they were happy and he could live with that.

_"How long are you going to stay with me?"_

_ "Forever."_

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_**A/N**_** So... yeah. I have no idea how I feel about this one. It seems like just a mishmash of words and there's only a few parts in here that I legitimately like. But I figured that if I post it, I could get some constructive criticism and figure out how to make it feel less...jumble-y. Yes, I have created a new word anyways, if no one likes it or anything I'll just take it down and let it hide in some dark corner or something lol. And if any of you have read my other Doctor Who oneshot End Where I Began, I have decided that I AM going to continue on with it. If you haven't read it, you definitely should :P. ****  
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